That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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