No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
