....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a search helicopter?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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