Its about making memories worth repressing
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
