I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
