he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
