Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
