just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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