Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you never un-have a 4some
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So. Much. Porn.
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