how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
