put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
