8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize