Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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