i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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