At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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