i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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