Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
