he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
