If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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