Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is Oprah even human
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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