the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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