woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
