The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
