Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
