Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
