TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You're like the curious george of whores
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
