if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
