I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
