Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
