I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
