You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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