508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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