Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
