i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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