Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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