Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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