I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
