I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize