Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
