i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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