you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
