im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize