Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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