Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
