well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
