nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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