Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
