If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
