dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
