Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
