After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How does one acquire holy water?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
