I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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