she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
