I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
