I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
