She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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