You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
