Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
