i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
