the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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