I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
