I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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