i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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