Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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