what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
