You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
