i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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