youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
