She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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