My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
