drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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